Origami me

Hi all -- Karma here! Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. Sometimes the Internet gods are against me.

I've been watching a documentary on PBS about folding origami. Origami is the art of folding paper into different shapes. (learn more here). At the same time, I was preparing for our first team meeting (Next Monday!!)It occurred to me that we are a lot like a blank sheet of paper. We're beautiful because we exist. But we become more interesting, deeper -- and maybe even more valuable with the folds, lines and dimension life adds.
Sometimes, it's easy to look in the mirror and see only the bad things. The folds you wish weren't there. The lines you want to fade away. But think for a moment about what you might look like without the folds and the lines. The journey that has brought you to this point has beauty in it. Without those wrinkles and folds -- the lumps and bumps of life -- your story wouldn't be nearly as interesting -- or beautiful.

I, like many of you, have fought my weight my entire life. When I wasn't heavy, I thought I was. Now that I am -- it's a constant struggle to see the beauty in myself. But after years ... and years.... and years.... of counseling and reading and meditating and praying, I'm finally coming to the grips with what other's have been trying to tell me all along; until you see the beauty in yourself as you are right now -- the weight will never, ever go away.
I wanted the magic button -- the explosion of light that made everything make sense  -- but it's not going to happen.  Success, at least for this journey, is found not in one amazing event, but in little miracles every day. Tiny bits of progress that will eventually add up to the success I crave.
I've also learned that appreciating this journey instead of resenting it takes a lot less energy and provides far more benefit.  Instead of looking in the mirror and only seeing the extra pounds, I'm learning to look in the mirror and see the souvenirs of a blessed life.I see the postpartum depression that added at least 60 pounds over the last 13 years. It used to make me cry and feel ashamed. Now, I'm learning that I'm thankful for the three beautiful children that I have -- I am thankful for the friends, family and medical professionals who saw me struggling and did all they could do to help. I'm thankful for the comfort I found in food when I could not find it any where else.
What I know now that I did not know then is that the food was false comfort. It helped only temporarily -- but really only served to make things worse. Would I know that without going on this journey? No. And I might still be seeking comfort in food -- which I rarely do anymore.
While it's easier said than done, I can now look in the mirror and see the green eyes that match my brother's. I can see the chicken pox scar from 3rd grade. I can see the burn marks on my chest -- the result of voluptuous ta-tas -- leaning too far over the pots on the stove.  I can see the nose that reminds me of my mom. I see the stretch marks that made room for my children. I can see all sorts of things -- all beautiful. Folds and lines that I wouldn't trade for anything.
So like the piece of paper transformed into the crane, or geometric shape, or flower -- I'm better for the lines and folds that make up my life.... and I think you are too.